DO NOT "DON'T"

 Parenting Tip - Do Not-Don’t 

Subtle differences in your vocabulary can drastically change the way your child perceives a message. Saying “Don’t be so loud” and “Speak quietly” may seem similar, and both might cause a child to lower the volume of his or her voice, but using the word “don’t” puts a negative slant to the comment and sends the message that the child was doing something wrong. Positive words turn the message into a request, while “don’t” draws attention to the flaw so that the child can think of nothing else. 

Children need direct instructions. Say exactly what you want them to do, not what you don’t want them to do. 

There is an experiment you can try at home and on your friends to make this point. Tell them to look around the room, but don’t look at anything red. Then tell them to close their eyes and ask them what was blue. They probably won’t remember because you had them concentrating on not looking at red. They won’t see the blue because they won’t be looking for it. 

Children who hear “don’t” are being encouraged to be passive with a stifled sense of curiosity, but it is important to cultivate their curiosity even when they are doing things they shouldn’t. Give them positive direction rather than simply saying “don’t.” 

(Contributed By Solomon Brenner Author "Black Belt Parenting")